my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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