she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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