I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
