got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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