i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
