So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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