the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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