then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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