Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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