24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
