You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm at about main and main street
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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