My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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