I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
