I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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