i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
