thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
