I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
