i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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