he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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