when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You don't make any sense
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