I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
