his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
