Sry I called you an 8
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
