My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
