If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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