Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
