I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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