I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You're like the curious george of whores
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
