yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
COCAINE IS GR8
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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