the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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