Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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