A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's the barista slut.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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