thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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