She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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