i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
