Whatcha textin bout Willis?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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