Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.