Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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