I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now