I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling