how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night