You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.