roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
