Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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