awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
