whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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