Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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