Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The ass gains better be worth it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
