Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
