fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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