he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
