you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
