I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
