my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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