It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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