On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
