My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
