Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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