I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Houston, we have a squirter
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
