Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
