this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
