dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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