You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I cut my penus on the lid.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
