Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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