Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
