I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
