That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
