I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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