You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
