Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Are we still banned from the library?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
