Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The Olympian is in my bed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
