Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
